Me. At least after what I've been through.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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