If that was your dad, he is hot
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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