OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
