that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
