My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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