they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
