how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
