Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
