I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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