Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so let's talk penis.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
