ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
