i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
