Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
