it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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