Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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