can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
