I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
