Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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