I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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