My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
PANTIES FOUND
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
