He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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