my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
