Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
