fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Operation Purity has been aborted
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
