I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
