checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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