I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
