I cockslap morals
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
