U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
