roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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