Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
