everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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