I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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