Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
