Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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