i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
