We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
