Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
