I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
