physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
