in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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