Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
