im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Randomize
