I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
