let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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