Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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