she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
