My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
