so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
