did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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