some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
