Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
