I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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