Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
