There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
